Starting uni as a young Carer? You’re not alone

I moved away to university in 2021 and had an amazing time. But that’s not to say that being a student is easy, and neither is being a student carer.  I grew up supporting my sister, ever since we were really young. Our relationship is very strong, so leaving was always going to be hard. 

Although I left home to go to university, about 2 hours away, I didn’t leave my worries and guilt at the door. They came with me.

I found the first term particularly difficult. I felt like I had two very separate lives. Whilst I fell in love with being a student, this clashed strongly with heavy guilt that I felt for leaving my family behind. 

One evening, I remember going to a party and not checking my phone until late the following morning, when I realised that my sister had gone into hospital. The guilt I felt at not knowing sooner, enjoying a wonderful evening whilst so much was going on at home, was immense.

As time went on, I learnt to manage these feelings, and to appreciate my life for the richness it offered, rather than feel shame at living what felt like two different lives.  

Some universities offer support 

My university did not offer any specific support for young carers, but others do. This might include bursaries, carer passports, or a commitment to flexible deadlines.

It is worth checking this out before applying: on websites, on open days, and in any outreach events run by universities (there are plenty that target students from disadvantaged backgrounds, including young carers!).   

You deserve to have an enriching experience, just as every other student without caring responsibilities. If you feel comfortable, I found it reassuring to let some of my tutors know relatively early on. If and when something cropped up, I did not have to explain or justify my situation when I was feeling most stressed.

Don’t be embarrassed to ask for extensions 

The concept of distance caring can be hard for people to understand. Many young adult carers who move away to university still continue to care: organising medical appointments, providing emotional support, or discussing treatment options for sudden flare ups.  

This not only leaves less time for studying and socialising, but it is hard to switch off. At one point in final year, I did feel that my home situation was significantly affecting my studies, but my tutors were accommodating as I caught up on missed work.  

It is easy to feel embarrassed or even guilty for asking for extensions as a young adult carer; our lives have been centred around putting others’ needs first. But we deserve support to ensure our university journey isn’t affected by our caring role. With that support, we can have the most fulfilling time possible. 

Holly’s top tips for adult carers heading to university 

• Find out if there is a point of contact (a lecturer, personal tutor, or course leader) who you might want to make aware of your caring responsibilities. If needed, this person can explain your situation to other staff so you don’t need to repeat your situation hundreds of times. 
  
  
• Check if your university offers any financial support. Some universities offer specific carers bursaries, to help with increased travel home, for example. Sometimes these are not obviously advertised. It’s always worth asking – you never know! 
  
  
• Over time, try and build up a support network. There will be other young adult carers at university, even if they are hard to find.
  
  I found that creating a support network of other students from “non-typical” university backgrounds helped me to feel grounded. We didn’t need to justify anything to each other, and looked out for each other when things felt difficult. 
  
  
• Try not to compare yourself to others. This is especially true at the beginning! I felt like others understood the content and got through the workload quicker than me.
  
  It is so easy to compare but the reality is that every student is on a different journey. Some might not be able to work as fast due to disabilities, caring responsibilities, and a whole host of other reasons.
  
  I realised it was not only pointless to focus on what other people were doing, but also actively unhelpful. You are not in competition with anyone else! 

With the right support, university can be a wonderful experience. My biggest takeaway? If you need that support, you absolutely deserve it. 

Holly finished her degree at Oxford in 2025, and went on to intern with Carers Trust and The Challenging Behaviour Foundation.