Isolation - by George Somers
they ask
“how do you cope?”
and before you can begin to think up an answer
they say
“you're amazing, I could never do that”
it makes you wonder
how they see your role
what they think you do
with those few words dedicated to you
they move on
talk about their life
you just listen
knowing your answer would’ve taken more time than anyone has
because, to be honest, you don’t cope
not as well as they think anyway
but
now is not the time for that to be unpacked
so you just smile and say
“thank you, I appreciate that”
when, really, what you want to explain is:
caring isn't easy, not a walk in the park
takes dedication, determination
to keep going and helping until it feels I’ve fallen apart
giving every piece of myself, every kind word, every smile
to the one I care for
to my friends
even to my annoying little brother
never leave a thing for myself
locked away
with only me for company
and how is it
that I can make anyone feel better and yet
I only ever feel I’m by myself
alone and cold with no where to go
deep down I know it isn't true
but then again
it's so difficult to find me when I’ve hidden for so long
hoping they don’t see I’ve just pretended all is well and nothing is wrong
played the ‘I'm fine card’ a million times
in order to disguise how I’ve really been
Uno reverse when people ask how I am
'cause I'd rather hear their problems than share my own
scared of being a burden, of ridicule
so instead I share home
with isolation
who is a close friend
almost relative
one that never goes anywhere without me
nor does isolation party alone because
loneliness, boredom and fear are commonly known
to hang together in a grey clouded group of misery
stick to my mind like glue
take over my heart
throws the rhythm, slows it right down
so it beats off sync with everyone else around me
obviously different
and if they notice I’m struggling they'll say
“keep your chin up!”
but how can I?
when my head is so full of to-dos
which cause ‘sorry I can’t do'
so heavy on my shoulders
already carrying the weight of my world
I burden myself
not easing any strain
I continue to isolate my heart from my sleeve
ashamed
scared
as to what they might see
if I showed them my heart
let them peek at my mind
they may find
me, the true me
not the one who hides behind
what I think they want me to be
but the real me
the one who has fought and won
battled and lost
the one who hasn't given up
defeat after defeat I got back on my feet
but I am worn and tired and scared
I need help and support
someone to care for me
as I know I deserve the care I so willingly give to others