tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat

Replies

By Tricia

Re: tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat
Thu 7 Aug 2008 16:32

Hard as it may sound I would take no notice of them if they are not hands on. Then they have no right to dictate to you in that manner.

Have you had a carers assessment done for your needs? If not get one done then it will be written in black and white about the care you provide for your parents and how much support you receive from your brother and sister. When I got my carers assessment done I was asked how much support I receive from my children who live with me. Then I would send them a copy of it and wait to see what their reactions are.

By marie66

Re: tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat
Thu 7 Aug 2008 20:57

Tricia's right - if they don't help any then they've no rights to shout any!
The assessment, is the starting point for most people to access anything in the way of help.

marie x

By dan ram

Re: tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat
Fri 8 Aug 2008 13:10

Hi,
I did actually have a carers assesment done in February this year. As of yet ive heard absolutely nothing, all i got was something called a CPA plan which highlighted that "oh theres support from brother & sister if needed" which was totally rubbish. not had any break, the social worker refuses contact with me, as do the rest of the team because im a gay man! (also eason brother and sister dont have much to do with me apart from nag) ive already put in a complaint about this person.

By Tricia

Re: tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat
Fri 8 Aug 2008 13:32

Hello Dan

If you feel the social worker who has been assigned to you is not fulfililng their duties towards your needs. You are within your legal rights to request another social worker one who you hope will understand your circumstances.

I would also state you need an update of your Carers Assessment as they have stated you get support from your brother and sister in the original Carers Assessment but you don't so need that updated.

Which area are you in?

I am in North Tyneside and would be horrified if anyone got treated differently by our local social services due to their gender.

By loopy

Re: tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat
Sat 9 Aug 2008 10:15

your a saint dan!!! They should have a bank holiday named after you "St Dans day !!" . Seriously, tell your brother and sister to go and take a running jump. Say to them that if they are not prepared to take more interest and give you a break from caring, then you dont want to hear from them again. Social services tend to be a waste of time and you have to shout loud and long to be heard. I am a serious believer in what you sow eg you will reap lots of good things in years to come. Your a lovely person by the sounds of it and you should congratulate yourself every single day!!
take care
Lisa

By dan ram

Re: tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat
Tue 12 Aug 2008 10:53

thanks for all your great replies, they are much appreciated. Yep i have had no luck with the social worker, the team said i dont need another assesment and wont co-operate or change what ive written, even after complaining!!! I live in Camden of all places, they are supposed to be good. I did ask for another social worker but i was told that because my father is under MHCOP(mental health care of older people) hat the social worker/care co-ordinater assigned is the only one? i think thats bo***ks to be honest, she cant be the only one surely. am i complaining to the wrong place?

By Tricia

Re: tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat
Tue 12 Aug 2008 17:15

You need to ask about their complaints procedures as you are entitled to a reassessment of your Carers Assessment at any time there is change in your circumstances.

You have change in yours the change being that they did not listen to you in the first place and you need to get the information corrected in your Carers Assessment in order to meet YOUR needs as the Carer.

Remind them this is for you not your Dad as a Carer you are entitled to by law this re assessment at any time when change occurs or incorrect details are in the care plan regaring your needs as the carer.

I would also let them know that you are going to investiage the complaints procedure. However, you would prefer for them to cooperate with you and work together rather than having to complain.

By mark

Re: tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat
Thu 14 Aug 2008 18:37

Hi Dan. I do agree about going down the complaints route, although I wouldnt expect immediate results.

I put in a formal letter of complaint against my social services 3 1/2 weeks ago and I havent heard a peep from the social worker since. In some respects that is a blessing as I was finding the stress of dealing with social services far greater than the stress of caring for my son. However, with her disappearing off the face of the earth, it doesnt help with the urgent ongoing matters we need resolving.

Having said all that, I have been advised by several carers organisations that a formal complaint is usually the best way to get people to sit up and take notice and hopefully launch them into action.

By kerry.

Re: tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat
Wed 20 Aug 2008 20:43

Hi Dan,
I can only reiterate what the guys above have said. But keep banging on the door until they open it and then keep talking until they listen. Do not give up, you have the law on your side, what do they have?

As for your siblings... well, if they are no help, stuff 'em, and if they cannot get their silly heads round thefact that you're gay, well, that's their problem.
By the way, I went once or twice to the Black Cat in Camden many years ago- is it still there and is it still the black cat? that was a darn good night out mate!

By Mani

Re: tips needed-i feel like a scapegoat
Sat 23 Aug 2008 20:13

Hi Dan,

I really empathise with you mate. I'm in more or less the same boat as you so can understand what you must be going through.

I also care for my father as well as my mother and my brother, who I don't get on with lives with us. I know how hard it is. I have to constantly watch what I say and don't have any one I can REALLY TALK to. In times of difficult only few people will stand by you the others will show their true colours.

My father was diagnosed terminally ill beginning of this year, my mother was diagnosed with cancer a few months later and if that wasn't enough to handle brother has on a number of times talk about suicide. Even though at times I have hated him and been unable to even look at him, I know he's finding it hard to come to terms with our parents ill-health let alone talk about it. He's put his head in the sand and thinks that's the solution. When I try to talk to him we end up arguing. Sometimes I just wish he'd move out.

Although I don't have any solution for you, just know you're not alone and these difficult days won't last. Stay positive and remember you've been given a great opportunity to serve your parents, so make the most of it whilst smiling

What I've learned in just a few days of using this online chat forum is that when I think I'm worse off I read about the other carers who are facing even harder times and that makes me humble and grateful. my heart goes out to you and all the others that are doing such a great job. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I find I really enjoy serving my parents, after all they nurtured and cared for us throughout our lives so it's only right we should be be caring for them when they need us. Although the unconditional love our parents shower on us can never be repaid, it's our duty to reciprocate some of that love and care.

Got to go now. I'll pray for you mate.

Take Care
Mani