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Husband Of Depression Sufferer
- By Husband Of Depression Sufferer
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Mon 23 Jun 2008 10:34
Hi
I'm 42 and live in Surrey.My wife (we've been together 11 years)
has suffered from depression her whole life.It appears that it is something she has inherited from her mothers side but is also due to (I beleive) lack of attention from her parents when she was younger.She is very very negative about everything.She can never see the postive side of anything.She won't gotout to make freinds or to try anything new.I end u l iving her life for her.
Each time she has found a new grioup of friends,one by one she find something bad about them and drops them.
If she gets a job she quits after a few weeks as she have a problem with someone there.She has had counselliong and been on various medication but nothing works.
I find it draining as i have to play at being her psycotherpaist every day.Its so tireing that I've often not got any energy left for me or our 7 yr old son.
After a while i get angry as I cant beleive shes not putting it on.
I guess it all makes ME feel drepressed and lethargic.I'm resentful that I dont have the life that the guy next door has!
I have an outlet in my sport but it would be nice once in a while to come home to a happy home.My son is full of life and cheeky but she finds him a challenge as has said she regrets having him and getting involved with me!!! She rarely expresses any physacial feeligns towards me of compliments me in anyway.
I know its not her fault and I sympathise.I do the best can do for her but I just get so fed up with it!!!
Sorry....just needed to offload
Replies
- By katew
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Re: Husband Of Depression Sufferer
Mon 23 Jun 2008 11:06ooh (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) to you and your son.
im a carer for an ms sufferer who has depresion issues too. you must still try to keep your sport outlet as its vital you have some time away. why not try some respite or carers so that you and your son could have some me time together. i hope you keep in touch.
kate
- By loopy
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Re: Husband Of Depression Sufferer
Mon 23 Jun 2008 11:32hi there, i care for my severely autistic daughter and i have suffered with depression in the past. In fact i am still being treated for it. I still have my "bad days" but i try to make the most of things. I decided last year that i wanted to do an NVQ teaching assistant course and gain some qualification as i left school with none. I did it and was very proud of myself, i enjoyed it too. I started the next level but unfortunately it was the wrong time so i deferred it for a while. I also work part time, which i really enjoy. Can your wife not do some sort of course that will boost her self confidence?? I did the course not necessarily to get a job but to prove to myself that i could do something and that i did have a brain (cos i thought so little of myself). My caring role makes it impossible to get a full time job but at least i have something to fall back on in the future. I have also asked for some voluntary work. I feel really sorry for your wife because i know that depression is a terrible thing. But she cant let it win !! it takes over your whole being and that is a recipe for disaster!! I hope you can both find some peace in this. You need to keep your sport outlet too. You also need a break. Take time to do things togeather.
lisa
- By Husband Of Depression Sufferer
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Re: Husband Of Depression Sufferer
Mon 23 Jun 2008 11:46Thanks Kate,those are kind words. Do you care for a family member or is it your employment ?
THanks Lisa.Yes she has tried to look at doing courses but she gives up after a while sayign itss a waste of time or 'cannot see a purpose'.I think that the frustraign thing.I've given her every bit of advice I can think of and helped her as much as I am physically able to but never seem to make any headway.But thank you for your suggestions.
You look after yourself too.
R
- By katew
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Re: Husband Of Depression Sufferer
Mon 23 Jun 2008 13:01hi R.
no its not a job i care for my hubby. he sounds very like your wife in that he cannot see the point in doing certain things aimed at making him have a better quality of life. he doesnt have any faith in anything the drs are urging him to do, which is making me very frustrated . if he wont help himself then how can i help him.i hope you have fou nd that letting off steam has helped. it has done with me loads of times
kate
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By getme
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Re: Husband Of Depression Sufferer
Mon 23 Jun 2008 13:14Hi R
Don't really know what to say to help you out here. I suffered in a simiolar way to your wife from the age of 5 untill I was 32. I demanded to be referred to the shrink and undertook cognitive behaviour therapy which worked out really well for me. After i had finished up there i went back to college to finish my art course which was fab.
I am now back on the anti depressents and they think it is hormonal, early menopause runs in my family and i am well into it at 35, maybe it is worth having the gp check her hormone levels.
Best of luck to you I am sure that she loves and appreciates you very much, and try where ever possible to make her do things for herself.
Talk to you soon
Tracy
- By Husband Of Depression Sufferer
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Re: Husband Of Depression Sufferer
Mon 23 Jun 2008 14:05T
hank you TracyI'll look into the hormone thing
Take care
Rob
- By EL
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Re: Husband Of Depression Sufferer
Mon 23 Jun 2008 15:06Hi Rob, yes do look into getting your wifes hormone levels checked as my low level did make me alsmost psychotic and wanting to 'end it all' all the time
im on HRT now as i had a total hysterectomy at 36 but if i forget to take one one day i turn into a ranting raving banshee followed by depression 
till my HRT 'kicks' in again my OH suffered bad bouts of depression over the years so i know the feeling of despair that your feeling big hugs to you pet 
- By Husband Of Depression Sufferer
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Re: Husband Of Depression Sufferer
Mon 23 Jun 2008 15:33THanks EL
take care of you
xx
- By loopy
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Re: Husband Of Depression Sufferer
Mon 23 Jun 2008 21:26dont forget to look after yourself too, rob !! It can really bring you down looking after someone.
- By Husband Of Depression Sufferer
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Re: Husband Of Depression Sufferer
Tue 24 Jun 2008 09:35Thanks people.
Can I ask? Is it bad of me to sometimes think, 'Is it all worth it and just feeling like running away to find someone else?Sometimes I get those thoughts and feel terribly guilty for feeling that way.Its just that somewhere along the line I feel like i'm missing out on life.
Sorry I appreciate that may disgust some of you.I also feel that somehow god (i'm not religous) put me on this earth to look after her!!!!
Tired and confused of Surrey
