Caring for domestic violence victims

Replies

By loopy

Re: Caring for domestic violence victims
Mon 8 Jun 2009 21:47

yep, i guess there are. if children witness domestic violence then it is bound to have an effect on their mental health at some point in there life .

By jennifer

Re: Caring for domestic violence victims
Mon 8 Jun 2009 23:05

I shake your hand,yes it must be hard for you,but you must have a heart of gold taking in this person under your wing,lets hope love and time heals.
Jenni x

By WeeBob

Re: Caring for domestic violence victims
Mon 8 Jun 2009 23:15

Servicemen,and members of our Emergency Services who have gone through or witnessed violent incidents are often diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress the same could be said for children who have been involved in Domestic Violence, so by your selfless act you have become the Carer of somone suffering from Post Traumatic Stress so you should be able to claim the same rights as any other Carer
Keep up your wonderful work.... Bob

By gracejanet

Re: Caring for domestic violence victims
Tue 9 Jun 2009 07:48

i am caring for 2 of mine who have mental health issues due to domestic violence..this also shows in physical illnesses. my biggest breakthrough has been very recent in realising i am also a victim here from both the abuse and the afteraffects. its taken a lot of hassle from social services for this to happen. are your children attending CAMHS? my youngest finally starts a course of one to one counselling with them this week and at the same time they are going to provide me with the same.
i to feel awkward comparing my self as a carer compared with what some of the people on here have to go through, in some ways feel guilty because maybe if i'd been able to get out of the situation earlier my kids wouldn't been in the state they are in at the moment.
my oldest has been diagnoised with borderline personality disorder, ocd, PTSD and various other things but it took us a long time to get here..5 years..and i've had to leave behind a lot of "support", people who would say they need to grow up and get over it, or haven't you got over it yet when i've been single for only a few weeks

its very lonely and i am always apologying for my staying with ex so long/not protecting kids and for my kids now problems. but you can't solve it all alone and have to admit to needing help, pester social services/gp/Camhs etc

good luck

thinking of you

gracex

By Pedro

Re: Caring for domestic violence victims
Tue 9 Jun 2009 08:16

Hi to you all who have sent encouraging kind messages.

We have two daughters and when the domestic violence situation came to light we "inherited" two more. As luck would have it all four girls get on well and pair off quite naturally in a "cousin to cousin" way. Our youngest niece has been diagnosed in terms that I understand as having a "smashed personality" due to the physical but not sexual violence she has endured. This manifests itself in low confidence, bulimia and an attempted suicide.

The good news though is that the joined-up support from schools, social services and police has been excellent. I know that there are always going to be "Baby P" type news stories and it is a pity that our "S and C" story cannot be aired to provide balance.

My way of coping is two-fold. Firstly I seem to have been overblessed in the "Dad" genes department. It's about the only thing that I do easily and well. And secondly I make sure that the basics of secure accommodation are provided.

Anyway, I know and understand that each carer probably didn't choose his or her lot and is doeing his or her best. That's a lot and it's all we can offer.

Thanks again for your kind and practical words.

By suejane

Re: Caring for domestic violence victims
Tue 9 Jun 2009 12:06

I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder myself and i am caring for my youngest and disabled son who was also a vctim. I recieve private counselling and my newish husband is trying to help. My son aged 17 has to take medication for extreme anxiety and also many of his longstanding health problems have had to be sorted out. PTSD is a terrible thing to suffer from. I believe domestiv violence is very much about mental health if a child has witnessed it or been a victim, also physical health and carers should be entitled to any allowances they can get and i wish you all well and very best wishes indeed. If i can help inany way please let me know.xx

By Pedro

Re: Caring for domestic violence victims
Tue 9 Jun 2009 12:44

Hi Sue. I hope that other than queueing behind 4 teenage girls for the use of the bathroom, our troubles happen every now & then rather than on an on-going basis. In many ways C is an incredibly tough and feisty young lady with a lovely sense of humour but oh so brittle... blow outs rather than slow punctures.

Financially we are ok. The father, T, has volunteered to pay £100 pw for each girl (one is now at uni but as her address is with us, he still pays) as part of an agreement worked out with social services, the police and the courts. So, with £860 tax-free income per month to spend totally at our discretion (I use it to treat all 4 girls and my wife & I to whatever we each fancy) we have no money worries.

What I don't have (and this must be true for other carers) is much time to deal with my emotional response to the situation. Certain things that I have seen are difficult to get on top of and being a protective male role model for girls who have such a past is a challenge at times.

Also the opportunity to talk is limited but again we have a good support network through our churches. One church has a trained counsellor in the congregation whom I can talk to at any time and she always makes time to do this.

In comparision with many carers such as you and your son and new husband I know that I have it good.

By suejane

Re: Caring for domestic violence victims
Tue 9 Jun 2009 14:56

My son did have a counsellor but he wouldnt talk to her out of loyalty to his dad although his brother was the perpetrator his dad said he didnt know anything was wrong,it was obvious there was and hid dad is trained to spot this sort ofthing. Anyway son is here now and although he is very brittle with people a i am he seems to have settled in new school etc, but he needs so much physical and mental care, ongoing probably for years as well as his other disabilites. We were told he will be on anxiety medication long term . The best help of all is our tabby cat, son adores him and the cat seems to know how he is and is very calm and gentle.So 3 cheers for our animal therapists!

By Pedro

Re: Caring for domestic violence victims
Wed 10 Jun 2009 07:53

Hi Sue. Yep, cats are good listeners. Our neighbours' cat is the one I find myself talking to. I think that he and I are on the same wavelength...

By suejane

Re: Caring for domestic violence victims
Wed 10 Jun 2009 09:39

Hi Pedro.Our cat is a star.He is so good at distraction. When son looks sad or gets upset our cat decides it is feeding time, or else cat is fed up, the look on his face says it all. Cat also enjoys his daily walks which encourages son and i to get out there. Next stop, hill walking ! Have a better day and dont give up, the work you are doing is so valuable.Girls can be tricky at the best of times, iv had 3 of them but i love them to bits! And the cat...... ...