66yrs and still caring

Replies

By katew

Re: 66yrs and still caring
Wed 3 Sep 2008 13:52

oooh florence

my heart goes out to you. i am in very much the same position as you, i care for my hubby who has ms and can be very demanding. like yourself i find it difficult to get out, but if he gets too bad i make sure he is in bed and just GO.

Do you have any help at all from carers or a social worker?

maybe you need to get in touch with social services and get them to do an assesment of both your husband and YOUR needs.

i really do think you must get some help as at your age it is vital that you take care of yourself too.

please look after yourself, we all use this site to let off steam and have a moan, and believe me the good people on this site are amazing at making you smile and feel good about yourself again.

i hope to have helped in some small way and look forward to hearing from you again.

best wishes

kate

By florence

Re: 66yrs and still caring
Wed 3 Sep 2008 14:15

warm regards to you thank you for your reply yes i do have social workers but my husband refused help! before he came out of hospital he had to be assesed because we live in a house they had to make sure he could manage obviously he fooled them or me? cause they let him home without any help! like i said he has always been a very demanding controling man but after 45yrs of marriage and the only man i have ever been with i think i have just got used to him but since his operation last year to remove his other leg he has got worse and i get so tired running around after him. sometimes i feel like running miles away from him. so you are in the same position has me then i like your idea about make sure he is in bed and just go take care and best wishes

By katew

Re: 66yrs and still caring
Wed 3 Sep 2008 14:41

right florence

get your social worker to do a carers assesment on you. This details YOUR needs. i know how easy it is for those that we care for to fool the profesionals, my hubby can do this too. but i really do have to have time for myself and my boys. Ask for this assesment and they can put in place somethings to help you. if your husband refuses help from others, like mine did! then refuse to do things yourself for him. It does work because i did it myself. Tell your husband that if you are ill it will be a nursing home that will be caring for him, so accept some help before it is too late

Take care of yourself

By florence

Re: 66yrs and still caring
Wed 3 Sep 2008 15:19

thankyou for that advice i am so glad i joined this site feel a bit better already nice to be able to talk to a nice lady like yourself best wishes

By glynne

Re: 66yrs and still caring
Wed 3 Sep 2008 17:28

frorence

I do not do somethings for my wife; not for any other reason than for trying to give some small feeling of independence there. It's hard I know; it's tough love I think you should try it.

All the best. love

By loopy

Re: 66yrs and still caring
Wed 3 Sep 2008 18:15

hi florence, yes i care for my 17 year old daughter. I know just how isolating and demading it can be. My typical day can start as early as 4 am in the morning. She cannot be left on her own as she is too mentally impaired and would be a danger to herself. My hubby works full time and i work part time. Sometimes i feel so guilty because we have little money and i feel that i should be doing more hours. But my daughter has to come first. My mom has offered to have her for me if i wanted to do more but as mom is nearly 70 and her bones are creaking so it wouldnt be fair on her.Besides, when daughter goes off on one of her legendary tantrums, even i find it difficult to control her. I do manage to get out a few evenings a week for a couple of hours. I cannot afford (or even want) to go out drinking with all my other mates. They usually come round to my house when daughter is in bed!!!!
You do need to try and find sometime for yourself.
take care

By marie66

Re: 66yrs and still caring
Wed 3 Sep 2008 20:32

Hi florence and welcome to the gang!

We are a very supportive bunch and most of us have been through the mill a bit with both caring, Social Services and what not else!

Don't feel you are alone 'cause clearly there's millions of us' all pootling on and making the best of things!

Don't worry nobody judges here as we know how it feels and if we are honest we all know there are days when it just gets a bit much!

I'm glad you found us!
(((hugs)))
marie x

By EL

Re: 66yrs and still caring
Thu 4 Sep 2008 16:24

Hi Florence Glynne your right you know tough love is what is needed at times, we know our caree is capeable of doing somethings for themselves, they know they are capeable also but will let us run round like headless chickens killing ourselves because its the easier option tell me to naff off if i offend you Florence but there are so many people without lower limbs who still have a zest for life and get on with making the most of what they have, i know that at 66 your hubby must be older and less able than the olympic/marathon minded but he has you and should make the most of your precious time together the more help you two have the better most social workers have experience of the older generation and the things they get up to to try and pull the wool over there eyes but they are not stupid and will see that its you as a carer that needs help the most, if he wants to have a moan when you have been out let him just say "oh dear what a shame, i had a lovely time myself" even if you havn't, keep your independance, go out for a cuppa or a cream tea anything even if its just for 20mins, sometimes even 20mins can be enough to charge your batteries, who looks after you eh? big hugs and kisses to you

By mag

Re: 66yrs and still caring
Thu 4 Sep 2008 19:12

Hello Florence

I can identify with much of what you say and can also describe myself as "tired but not retired". Like you, I look after my hubby - we are both senior citizens (I'll be 68 next month).

The others have provided helpful replies and I hope that you will always feel free to come and say how you feel. As Carers, no matter how much our individual circumstances vary, there is so much that we have in common too.

Why not pop into the chat room where you will meet others, have some fun, ask questions if you wish - best time is probably 7.30 pm onwards. If there is no-one there, just try again later.

Hope to chat with you soon.

Mag

By florence

Re: 66yrs and still caring
Fri 5 Sep 2008 12:23

thank you all for you support great feeling to know there are kind thoughtful people out there! and you all have your own issues to deal with yet still have the consideration for others, i mean this from the bottom of my heart you are ALL wonderful caring people bless you all and thankyou all for your advice x