Family Problems any advice please

Replies

By EL

Re: Family Problems any advice please
Mon 11 Aug 2008 21:45

Who the bloody ell do they think they are cheeky pair of b#t##es my sister who is 47 has legal guardianship of our younger sister who will be 45 this month, this is due to her having down syndrome but also she has dementia, i dont know if it is possible to get legal guardianship of you dad due to his illnesses but i would certainly check it out then you can tell your 2 siblings to f@#$ off

By kerry.

Re: Family Problems any advice please
Mon 11 Aug 2008 22:19

OMG you poor woman.
Next time they ring tell them politely that you will not listen to accusations of abuse, defermation of your character and utter vitriole they care to spout, and until they are prepared to speak to you in a civilised manner with some constructive offers of help, both practical and sensible, you would appreciate them refraining from calling your private number.
Then hang up.

Dont even speak to them darlin, you have enough on your plate.
My sister is a complete bitch too and I have nowt to do with her. That's the sort of thing she would try and do too.
(but she has no friends, and looks like a bloke so thats some consolation!)

By Tricia

Re: Family Problems any advice please
Mon 11 Aug 2008 22:33

Could social services not loged a case against your sister for harrassing them and you?

That would certainly set a cat amongst the pigeons!

And keep in mind what goes around comes around so one day your sister will regret her behaviour towards you and your Dad!

By fenlander

Re: Family Problems any advice please
Mon 11 Aug 2008 23:10

Change your phone number and go ex-directory. It doesn't cost anything and you just need to give a reason - say you have been getting abusive phone calls and want to stop them - no need to elaborate.
Your sisters will be after the money. Take advice and I do think getting yourself appointed as your Dad's legal guardian is a brilliant idea.

By EL

Re: Family Problems any advice please
Tue 12 Aug 2008 09:43

Fenlander is right it is probably all about the money thats if there is any in situations like this you always get the scum come out the woodwork you dont see them for dust any other time and they run a bloody mile if help is needed i hope you are keeping a diary of everything they say and do, also if possible tape phone calls. also keep a detailed diary of yours and your dads activities so if at any time you are challenged in any way you have this to fall back on as reference, fight fire with fire grow a thick skin and make sure you have evidence for anything they throw at you

By Bagpuss1966

Re: Family Problems any advice please
Tue 12 Aug 2008 12:13

Its a Guilty Conscience that is motivating them an maybe greed , keep a log an inform your social workers you want action taken ;)

By Road Runner

Re: Family Problems any advice please
Tue 12 Aug 2008 12:38

I really feel for you as having similar problem myself. My wife hates my dad and is starting to mudslinging untruths on how i care for him.

Cant understand what SS think they are doing when its visible your dad is well cared for.

Chin up cant be of much help although know how you feel

By lee

Re: Family Problems any advice please
Tue 12 Aug 2008 12:53

aww hun ((((HUGS)))) what you do takes alot of love strength and patience, you do not need these people making things hard for you. i would def change phone no, and keep diary of the abuse. and if able to talk to a solisitor,

it could well be greed that is causing them to badger you like this. i hope they suffer guilt for taking no part in his care and not even visiting him.

my grandads brother had this and his wife cared for him up untel the last 2 months of his life. his wife was his second his first had died a long time ago of cancer and there was a long gap before he met and maried his second wife, well only 1 of his 4 childern visited him. they never liked him marrying this woman (no idea why) and even at his worst, 1 son when phoned asking for help as she couldnt get him out of the bath his eldest son said let him drown.

yet at his funeral earlier this year all his childeren were at the funeral and the pushed his wife out of the picture gave her dirty looks and had the minister talk well of his first wife and say very little about the wife who had cared for him for at least 10 years and had been with him many more than that.

i dont know how these people can live with themselves, i thought that as im a caring person every 1 must be the same, makes me very sad that it is not always the case

By MagicTouch1965

Re: Family Problems any advice please
Tue 12 Aug 2008 13:56

The trouble is my dad has always been open with me. My eldest sister borrowed a large sum of money from him back in 1990 (£100,000) and has never repaid a penny, she got the money from the sale of the family home because my mum was a soft touch to all her kids. She was a good loving mother but she died from cancer in 1992. My dad was devastated by her death and I really don't think he's quite recovered. There was nothing put in writing but I know the amount because my dad told me. My sister has not disputed the amount she just says mum said she did not have to repay the money. My dad frequently complained about my sister to various relatives over the years saying what she had done to him so it’s no big secret.

The money was for both my parents retirement and about a year before my mums death they retired overseas. Six months after they went overseas they came back to see how we were getting along and my mum was a bit troubled by this huge lump in her neck. She saw a doctor and consultant at the hospital and it turned out she had lymphoma cancer. Anyway she decided to stay and be treated here (the hospital insisted) and whilst she was with us she divided her time between my eldest, my 2nd eldest sister and myself. Mum had access to the bank accounts (her & dad always did things jointly but he went back overseas to take care of the house and land)

I was 25 back then naïve and more than a bit stupid, I knew my mum had cancer but I never thought she would actually die. She mostly stayed with me because I had a spare room, at weekends she would head off to either one of my sisters but would be back like the next day. A lot of the time I just wanted some space to myself, I had left home for no good reason at 17 and although it was nice having home cooked meals and someone on hand to be there to look after the kids (my daughters where about 5 & 6 then) I wanted my own space back. One day mum came back from the hospital and said the doctors had said she could have a break from her chemo and she said she wanted to go and see dad. I thought great peace at last. She left in September 1991 and in February 1992 she died.

After her death, my dad told me the reason she use to come back to me so quickly was that each time she went round to my eldest sisters house she would fleece her for money to pay her bills (and this is after the £100,000) He was upset about the way my mum was treated (there’s more but you’re all probably bored by now) and he hasn’t had a good word to say about my sister since. He had things to say about my 2nd eldest sister as well but like I said it’s a long story

My 2nd eldest sister although she knows all of this just buries her head in the sand. The only thing she’s ever asked me is what we should do about dads property.

I really didn’t mean to write so much! The day I wrote on this board I was really down about the phone call and the lack of support but reading all your inputs I feel heaps of support and I’m really grateful. I’m meeting with some advice workers at my local carers group tomorrow who have also been very supportive and I’ll let you know what they suggest.

By kerry.

Re: Family Problems any advice please
Tue 12 Aug 2008 16:15

Magic Touch
Your story is very important and do not think for one minute that any of us here will be bored; we all feel incredibly angry on your behalf, but like in most families sometimes you only get one decent person out of all the children, and in your family it is obviously you, so take some consolation from that. ok.
(in my family its me -obviously - the others are all bonkers )

Lee, your tale is horrible but too common. My Husband has a previous partner, two kids, she's ok, i get on quite well with her, but his mum has never accepted me for some reason. Im still waitin for her to say something nice to me after 15 yrs lol. Given up now.
(I think shes jealous cos im soooo gorgeous and sexy )

Im also a caring person and i find it hard when other people are nasty for no reason other than that they are born that way. But then I think, i would rather be me than them,being all bitter and twisted and morbid all the time.
Who would you rather be??????????