Affair

Replies

By marie66

Re: Affair
Wed 9 Jul 2008 19:35

Aw (((Lucy))) you've got a lot on your plate!

Try to talk, we're all here to support you babe.

Life isn't really hell - it just seems like it sometimes especially when we're at a pretty low point!!

I'm thinking of you and so are other friends on here.

You never know, maybe it wasn't an affair as such and can be sorted out.
Try and stay strong,
marie x

By loopy

Re: Affair
Wed 9 Jul 2008 21:13

awwww big hugs to you !! you really are going through the mill at the moment. When your OH is up to it, you need to have this out with him because its not fair on you to be shouldering all this responsibility. A for your mom, i hope she feels better soon. I know how you feel cos today i found out that my mom has got a deep vein thrombosis and sky high blood pressure. My sister is with her at the moment cos of my caring duties to daughter. Mom only lives around the corner so i will now be dividing my time between here and there. Think this happened cos she has just come back from a long haul flight from america

By lucyjad

Re: Affair
Wed 9 Jul 2008 21:20

Isn't life as a carer joyous?!
Spoke to OH and it was an affair as much as it can be in 2 weeks,
I don't know what to do now... should i stay or should i go?

By marie66

Re: Affair
Wed 9 Jul 2008 21:35

Well, I'm afraid, only you can answer that one babe.

I suppose it depends on if you feel you can both re-build things.

It's a difficult one but don't decide or do anything hasty.
(((Hugs)))

marie x

By lucyjad

Re: Affair
Wed 9 Jul 2008 21:39

Thank you Marie,
I feel like a child all over again, completely helpless and rather lost. I don't know if I can get over this or not, he has done this 7 times before but normally when manic, I am a living breathing doormat. My head tells me to end things asap, my heart is definitely against my head.
Like you say, I guess I should just take my time and not do anything rash.
I suppose throttling him would be considered OTT?
Lucy
x

By EL

Re: Affair
Thu 10 Jul 2008 07:58

Emotional blackmail has to be one of the worst forms of marrital abuse you can get manic or not he knows right from wrong, he knows how to satisfy his needs, and how to hide the evidence from you you are a good person and thats why your heart is ruling your head but carry on like this matey and you will be the one having the strokes you have a child to think about as well as your own well being so how much more crap are you going to put yourself through? what is it gonna take for you to realise you are not responsable for any adults behaviour other than your own? i wont go into details but my best friend physically pushed me into a solicitors office and wouldn't let me out till i made an appointment to divorce my husband(first!) i know it sounds very extreme but it was the best thing i could have done for both of us your hubby will never ever stand on his own two feet or progress further than where he is now if he has you picking up the pieces and propping him up while forgetting how to live yourself im sorry if i sound harsh and giving you more food for thought than you can handle right now but babe no time is a good time, YOU have been given a life, use it, you have every right to feel and be happy so ask yourself this, will i ever achieve this staying married? will your hubby still get the outside support if you were not around? will his condition change AT ALL whether you stay or go? sounds like you have done all you can for your hubby so now its time to take care of you

By EL

Re: Affair
Thu 10 Jul 2008 08:10

PS. i 'bluetacked' a spare key in the middle of a conifer tree in my front garden, no one will ever find it there except the people who know about it!

By Husband Of Depression Sufferer

Re: Affair
Thu 10 Jul 2008 10:22

hi Lucy
Thought you might like a male view on things...not that I have much to add to the advice already given which is very sound.

My view on most things is that life ''evolves''.To make decisions and to try to solve problems in the short term especially when things are emotional is not always the best thing.

I would try to detach yourself emotionally from him.IE If you can think of other things and maybe lose your mind on other projects/dreams.Let your mind wander and try to recall things that you like to do or maybe about ambitions/dreams
that you once had for yourself.

I left my first wife 14 years ago and spent most of that time since wishing to god I hadn't.Mainly I think coz she was a billion times easier to live with than the current one and I think had we met a little later in life (I was 21 when we married) I think we would have been perfect for each other.She's remarried but I still miss her and send her birthday cards & email her on our anniversary, not that she ever replies but I dont expect her to.

Sorry, that may not have been much help & I appreciate your situation is different but all I would say is..''let time pass''...You haven't got to save the world today....unless you really want to.

Most of all look after yourself and try to take enjoyment in even the smallest thing.

I guess we al need a little boost to our egos now and again.Sadly we often conclude that having an affair is a good way of getting that fix (a bit like going out to get drunk).IE it gives a short term high but is neither productive nor a long term solution.

I'm sure deep down your OH loves you deeply and it is onyl his condition that is masking him seeign that.

But I would agree with EL. ''Let him have it''..Let him know what you feel,let it all out......IIt's important to let him see how much he has upset.

Always here if you need a chat.take care
Love
Rob
xx

By lucyjad

Re: Affair
Thu 10 Jul 2008 12:10

Hi all,
Thanks for your support. I definitely have a lot to mull over. At the moment I am just dealing with things in th most feminine way I know how. I'm getting a manicure and a new hairdo, on his debit card (with his permission) to let him see what he is missing. I'm going to a friend's house tomorrow night and just generally keeping a bit more distance between us while I sort my head out. A shallow way of dealing with things I know but better than wallowing in it.
Thank you!
xxx