Discussion Boards I care for...
Newbie
- By nightingale
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Sat 28 Jun 2008 20:46
Hello everyone
Having just read Angel's troubles I feel a bit silly writing about my tales of woe. The thing is that I am not a carer, I am prevented caring for my mum with early stage demetia by my family as they have insisted she goes into residential care, although they know this is totally against her wishes.
They feel as she has demetia this means she doesnt have capacity. Durr!
tell that to other people who care for their loved ones. I have told them I am quite willing to spend extended periods of time with her, I have even offered to move into her house (she lives with another one of my brothers) but my family resist this, they have taken over her bank account and do things such as not tell me when there are meetings and assessments arranged. I feel they just can't be bothered looking after her, but I never asked them to 
Anyway I have only told part of the story, it is a lot more detailed (isn't everyone's) It is just so sad that my mum, who has been wonderful to all of us and has had a difficult life herself, has now been consigned to a care home, I really feel she should spend her final years able to live in her own home in the care of those who love her. Some of my friends tell me just to leave her in the home as it is very difficult caring for someone with demetia and to look after myself as I have had very serious health issues as well. Well folks that is my rant over, please feel free to reply
Replies
- By katew
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Re: Newbie
Sun 29 Jun 2008 07:36hello nightingale
i think there are a few things you need to sort our with the rest of your family.
1. does your mom have a family solicitor - if not then i think you must approach on and discuss the situation. they can arrange to freeze the bank acc until decisions are made.
2. are you the youngest child? how many of them are ther?
3. get in touch with social services immediatley and get them to inform you of the situation, as they have got to be involved with this.try talking to your family - is there an aunt or uncle that could mediate in discussions for you.
you really must make a stand if you do not want your dear mom put in a residential home. but you must ask yourself if you really are capable of looking after her when her needs become greater.
i hope this is some help to you.
best wisheskate xxxxxxxxx
- By madmel
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Re: Newbie
Sun 29 Jun 2008 20:34Hi NIGHTINGALE
My time as a carer ended yesterday on my Birthday!when my mum who had multi infarct dementia passed away.
I had cared for her for nearly 5 yrs and her wish was to die at home surrounded by her family.
Unfortuneatly she had been in a nursing home for the last 4 months and i had been batterling with continuing care to get her home.
Her pressure sores had finally healed and i thought we would have her back soon but she developed a chest infection and quicly deteriated.
On the one hand i feel i've let her down but at the end she was'nt aware of where she was only that i was there.
It's very hard caring and it will take it's toll on your health but if thats what you and your mum want- fight for her.
However if you cannot prevent her going to a home-don't feel bad just make sure it's the right one for her.
If she is only in the early stages she should'nt require residential care yet but her home does need to be safe and for her to have 24hr supervision.
My thoughts are with you as you begin your journey together.
Hugs
Melanie
- By Courtesy
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Re: Newbie
Mon 30 Jun 2008 09:20Maybe the Family Mediation Service could help you talk this through with your family.
- By nightingale
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Re: Newbie
Tue 1 Jul 2008 20:34Thanks to you kind people who took the time to reply, in answer to your questions Kate, I am actually the second eldest (eldest daughter) and my mum doesn't have a solicitor that I am aware of., she only has 1 sister who is unwell herself and they dont get on anyway. I know I could probably fight that little bit harder for her to come home and I am not making excuses but I had cancer 2 years ago and my last scan showed a small shadow on my lung, at the moment nobody is saying big C is back but they are keeping a close eye on me. All this obviously makes a difference in wether I can care for mum in the long term. I agree with Melanie that mum's level of memory loss doesn't require residential care but with a bit of help from my family she could easily be supervised for 24 hours a day at home but its as though they dont want the responsibility and that is really hurtful. At this moment I am probably wiser to wait and see if my health is ok before I go in all guns blazing, so thanks again.
Courtesy, that is a good idea to contact the FMS and I will look into that. Thanks again folks and Melanie, sorry for your loss and so sad that it happened on your birthday, please dont ever feel guilty, they were hard times to live in and hard decisions that you had to take, although I don't know you I am sure you did as much as was humanly possible. Take care. Nightingale